To the readers,
This story is about my world, dreams, fall, hapiness, efforts, dreadful days/nights,
& most importantly MY LOVE
PAGE-1
I woke up suddenly. Tears were rolling all over my cheeks. My eyes were burning. For a while my mind was blank completely. I wasn't able to distinguish between dream and reality. I rushed to grab my phone and the Date 15th may 2022 flashed in my eyes , that's almost 1year (9 months to be more precise) since that day. Thus, the reason of my tears to burst out in such a strange way wasn't any sort of nightmare, those were the flashbacks my beloved world gifted me with.
PAGE-1.1
The first meeting.
8th April 2019
It was the start of the spring as well as the first day of Grade 11th. Holding pen in my fingers i was gazing out of the window listening to the birds chirping, morning hustle-bustle of classrooms a very low yet divine sound of morning prayers from the nearby temple, When a sudden late arrival drew my attention. A short yet energetic new admission, the character around whom this whole story revolves entered the classroom, A girl with lots of energy & excitement soon enough grabbed everyone's attention in class. In the span of few days we became friends. That sudden importance was a bit suspicious but it felt so good! It wasn't like i didn't have any friend it was first time I met someone with whom I can share any sort of thing without any second thought. One fair day while talking normally i asked her ... "Hey! Who's your crush btw?" And without any hesitation she simply smiled and said "You".
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I was in utter disbelief and thought she was just joking around, Thus I asked again for confirmation, she nodded in positive but at that time I knew i wasn't ready for all this and i somehow changed the topic and everything started running normally once again. Days passed and we started coming close to each other. Once when I went to school i was surprised to see that she wasn't there today. Each and every second there was like real hell i just wanted to go back home as soon as possible, The moment school bell rang i picked up my backpack and ran towards my home and tried to connect the phone but she didn't answer, i was becoming so "impatient" my heartbeat was running way faster than Japanese bullet train, Around 7-8 pm she called back and told me that everythings fine she was just a bit busy due to family gatherings etc etc ...but at that time the only three words came out of my mouth were
"I love you" .
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"Am not ready for all this right now, I haven't moved on from my past relation yet" she replied .
A shivering wave of disappointment and instant regret passed through my whole body.
I felt repentant about my confession and said
"Its fine, Leave it & forget i ever said that :-|" .
"Don't leave it, I just need sometime" as soon as she uttered these words I was in the seventh heaven. That night was the longest i had ever seen, I was tooo impatient to see her the next day. I woke up and got ready in a while and just rushed towards our school. People around were able to see that rhythmic run of joy & i was skipping 2-3 steps as if i was flying towards her. As soon as I reached the classroom i grabbed my seat and started waiting for her to enter the classroom. The moment she entered .......Damn!!!!!!!
Her perfect sized eyes,
they were…. as deep as the ocean ...as dreamy as a starry night…as pretty as
lotus petals,
as mesmerizing as a sunrise, as serene as morning dew . The most beautiful one of all i had ever seen. Her cheeks were like the toping of a cream cake . Her lips were glossy and as soft as rose petals .
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Her sudden "oye" snapped me out and i was like "uhh..ohh..hiii". I was blushing so hard even the classroom adopted that shade of red. It was something I felt first time since last 20-25 days towards her. Now onwards everytime i saw her, my heart used to get in an intense roller coaster of feelings. At that time i used to feel so blessed so pleasant and i was tooo grateful of her for just existing and being there for me. When she was around me everything & everyone felt blurred. She became my whole world. I was able to do anything for the sake of her smile. I used to ignore each & everything in my way and the only person i was focused on was her . Everyday i used to wake up by her imaginary touch and presence and rushed to see her. Each and every moment with her felt like we really are THE PERFECT COUPLE .
Page-2.1
Water park & Rain
May 2019,
Each & every relationship always have something that's quite special and which represents its beauty. In our case it was "The rain". The factor that almost convinced us that our relation really has something supernatural or maybe it's all just a coincidence. This belief started around late May, Our school organised a school trip to waterpark in Delhi and we were very excited about it, we boarded the bus but our seats were faraway and the boy sitting behind her was the one who used to pass various extreme dirty comments on her, That made me even furious, The look of grief from such short separation was quite visible on both of our faces Thus our class teacher called me out and made me sit behind her by saying that " Why the hell both of you making such sad faces" *sighs* *sighs* .
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That move enlightened both of our souls and we were so so happy. We spend the next 1-2 hrs talking and it was tooo pleasing. While in the waterpark we both were enjoying with our friends and then i saw her sitting alone quitely so i quickly kicked my friend grabbed his floater and rushed towards her and ask her "Let's take a ride together"
She agreed and we went upstairs but then she somehow refused by seeing our teachers standing there too... That made me quite sad but i let it go because those teachers would have gossip that thing for days. When we returned to our bus that creepy ass guy was again holding that seat behind her firmly, i went to him and ask to return my seat but he refused by saying again & again one of his friend called him back and he left that seat. Snapping out of that frustration, i took my seat and i was holding her bag on my lap it was around 7-8 o'clock and we were tired so we were resting a bit. i kept my head on her bag and she was resting her head on the bus window but due to the uneven road her head was striking on the window so i kept my hand on the window below her head. Quite romantic...well sure it was, all that environment, that time of night, sitting there i could feel my soul fly away to her and playing with her puffy cheeks. It was so soulful!!!.
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After a while we were refreshed and were so happy that we got such a beautiful moment together . All of a sudden she said ..."Wouldn't it be more beautiful if it starts raining now " I replied in the affirmative. To our surprise after around 15-20 mins it started raining!!! We were shocked but it enhanced our joy and the environment. She said , "It's so beautiful Thankyou" . I asked "For what ?" She replied " For Everything 💙, See... Our school is near i wish we would have got more time today :-( ".
And guess what ??? We got stuck in a traffic jam. This time we understood it can't be a coincidence i said " God is listening to you today! Please make one more wish for us today". She said "Yes i also think the same"
By saying these words she looked at the sky and said "God!! I wish both of us clear our 12th exams with Excellent grades!!".
I was a bit amazed and disappointed as it wasn't something I expected. I was expecting something regarding our eternal love & future. But i didn't pay any focus on this and let it go.
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The fall
Everything was running so smoothly till now...but the next day i entered the school premises, the whole environment was quite strange. Everyone was staring at me whispering,laughing making faces etc etc and i was a bit confused. Actually all of this was because of the incident that took place the day before at water park. While she was playing in the pool, two of our science stream fellow mates entered the pool and they were swimming here and there like few mad bulls, while doing all this they unintentionally went near her and his hand hit her head too hardly.
By seeing that scene i became quite furious so i reached their held that boy's hand folded it to his back and punched him and asked him to apologize her for what he have done.
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So coming back to the D-Day i was sitting and wondering about all this and then suddenly that
boy came in my class and asked me to come with him as sir wanted to see me. When I went in 9th standard all of science boys and that teacher was standing there and as soon as I entered he started asking me questions and they all made fun of me in front of those juniors and that was the first ever humiliation i felt in my entire 15 yrs of life. I was just amazed by looking at those faces as they were the one praising me few days ago when i topped my class 10th. I thought it was an one time show and ignored but how much wrong i was ... It started getting worse, Each and everyday i was being targeted by everyone in school teachers, students, few seniors each and everyone started taunting i was traumatized. Our English teacher once while addressing our class said "There are few sort of people who once start getting attention of a girl loose their mind ".
Our class teacher used to make faces at me scolding, even for the slightest downfall in my grades.
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As If all of this was less my parents also started loosing faith in me. They used to lecture me for hours, taunt me in a way that used to shatter my soul into pieces. I was isolated in the class and used to sit alone.
I wasn't able to share my feelings with anyone and it was just getting worse day by day. None of my priorities liked her and that was soo heartbreaking. All of them wanted me to leave her as they knew she wasn't the right one to suffer all this, But somehow i knew i just can't leave her. I was not able to imagine her level of grief if I leave her like this after promising so much. I knew once I leave her all these sufferings will be shifted on to her, As till now just because of me all of this was not transferred to her . And while she was with me somehow even if i didn't share this much with her i was somehow satisfied with my life. I was like completed by her. We were so inseparable .
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Phase-II
Till now even though all of these things were breaking my soul apart the only thing that was holding it together was her & her love. It felt so nice just being around her and recieving all that importance, attention. It was around a year and we didn't even fight once. Somehow i was feeling that everyone is tooo wrong about her, Her friends, classmates everyone who used to term her like " She would last for just 2 years" were soooo wrong. And thinking all of this it just became my dream to prove each and every one of them wrong. I wanted them to show that yup she can stay together and loyal to me.
Unlike other stories things still didn't get better but even got worse, the only thing i was happy about started fading. The fact that everyone knew about us didn't affect us directly but with time it had created a thick invisible crack between our bond.
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All that taunts/sufferings/efforts/lockdown and time affected both of our nature. I became more frustrated,rude,short-tempered, the type of person i never was, On the other hand i don't know why but i was able to see that her love for me was somehow fading. Her eyes lacked the shine which i used to notice earlier everytime she saw me . Less interested/easily irritable etc. leads to constant fights. The thing i was proud of the most 'That when it comes to her i can share each and everything with her' became the biggest weakness, I started saying too much without even thinking.
Topics of fights now seem so small but the difference in our personality leads them to such disaster.
When a man love someone That girl represents his image,respect, and value in the society. In love both the partners must have some boundations cause now as they have created a bond they must not just think about themselves, As each and every act by them represents their partner too.
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One fine day just like the previous ones we encountered another fight and at last she blocked me. It wasn't something new we had earlier been through such fights alottt. Even the last words ' We should not be together now' were nothing new for me. And as expected when we met in school after few days we talked and then we said we will give one last chance to each other, Days passed and then when i called her saying i was just missing her and wanted to talk she was surprisingly a bit rude and asked me to go and focus on exams or everyone will blame her again and then she blocked me from everywhere.
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Post separation
I was a bit confused and i too didn't bother to convince her as i did literal nothing that day. I somehow believed she wil come back and i started waiting days passed, a month passed and then i realised this time its a bit different i msged her but no reply. My eyes get filled with tears every single day. I had my exam in December so I texted her that now don't msg me till December cause that would just distract me and I couldn't afford it as I promised her to clear it in first attempt .
After clearing the exams i called her cause i was just not able to process what happened between us, i was unable to decide whether to wait or to leave, I was not able to accept that the girl i loved can do anything like this, i used to defend her by cooking various arguments like someone must have forced her/ Her friends misguided her etc etc. But what i heard from her mouth that day shattered the remaining hope and soul in me. She said that 'Mann bhargya tha mera '.
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It sure was heartbreaking but along with it, These words made me realise that I lost her,
I lost the girl who was my everything.
After that I stopped texting her, As i knew that those feelings she once called love was nothing more than mere attraction. And thus no one can force thier love on anyone. Things sure went upside down, What else you can expect from a 15 year old who fell so deeply in love and got his heart shattered at an age of mere 17. Sure i was just a kid way immature to deal with situations and weak enough to let all that happen. That 15 year old would have never imagined that the girl for whom he is fighting with whole world would become his worst nightmare . Even if he knew all this would happen then too his love would have been same to that girl trying his best in the efforts his girl would not even remember.
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Coming back to the present...Yup the wound have been healed not completely but enough to not sit in a room with locked doors crying for hours just hoping her to realise. Realising that there are few wounds that even time can't heal was tough but it just give you the power to live with your head high hiding your fear (of crying like a baby when you see her again ) in your heart's darkest chambers . Yup the grief remains till the eternity...not of loosing her but losing myself, Never had i ever imagined that a choice can lead to such moment.
Remembering someone for longer than we have known them is surely devasting.
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Looking back to where it all started, i can't blame anyone for the result, it's just depends on us how we value other's feelings. Everyone go through such disastrous phases but what matters is who stayed and who left. Love is so beautiful but it's not always perfect, It feels so wholesome when i look back to the days i used to wish in all the forms in existence ( infront of stones,eyelashes,red cars ) and to every God for this relation to be forever.
When it comes to her, Yup am angry, frustrated but i just can't hate her. I act like i don't care but even after 1 year i still fight with my classmates while defending her name ❤️.
I don't expect anything from her yet she's on my mind 24x7. When i look at her current pics or id i can't feel anything it's like seeing an stranger with basic looks, But when i see her in my dreams every night and in our old pics she looks as beautiful as the day i confessed my love to her.
"Tere jaane ke baad kitne .....Sehlaab aaye, baarishein huyi, toofan aaye
Tu kitne zakhmo ke mujhko hisaab dega,
Mai bewakoof tha jo mujhe laga,
Tu firse awaaz dega."
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